- Stab- a- thon? - Uh, It's a movie marathon.
All 7 Stabs back to back. We do it every year.
- Is tonight? There's a killer out there patterning his murders after the original movie.
- I know, it's pretty wild. - We have to call it off.
- Uhm, ok, I mean, it's Friday.
I am sure we re not the only party that's going on at Woodsboro.
- But where is this circle-jerk gonna take place? - So, let's ready for this Q&A.
- No, no. I really want the location. - You know, it's kind of an underground thing.
Email invites. Pretty secret.
What, you re not gonna tell me? Really? We re working together. Remember?
- So you re ready for the Q&A? - Fuck you. Let's go.
That was awesome.
- Nobody comes to the house unless we say so. - Got it.
I feel like I'm under house arrest.
You know when people say "I know how you feel",
but you know they re just saying that because they really have no
freaking idea how you feel? I know how you feel.
I am so sorry about Olivia.
I am sorry about your publicist.
How do you handle it, people staring at you all the time?
People stare at me?
I could never handle that kind of attention. I just..
feel like it would take over your whole life.
Uh, all I do is I...try not to think about me.
I have people I care about. I focus on them.
And the rest, uhm, it works out.
You saved my life last night. I mean, I know we re family but...
you heard a thing on me.
Makes me wonder, you know,
if I'd be brave enough to do the same thing.
I really hope you never have to find that out.
Oh, if you need me, you know where to find me.
I'll be up in my cell, oh, I mean, my room.
Our rooms are boarded up. That's the view from my cell. It's really weird.
I think Olivia would understand, ok? She'd want me to be around other people.
Holy shit. Even if I did just crash land on planet dork.
Speaking of which, Trevor's here. - Hey, Kirby.
-What is he doing there? That is so not his scene.
I have no idea, maybe he thought you would be here.
Yeah, fat chance. After what happened last night?
I mean, my mum is just completely freaked out.
-It's not prim. - Alright, you go do your good girl thing
and I'll drink for the both of us.
- I will keep you posted. - Alright, be safe.
Stab-a-thon! Stab-a-thon!
- Thank you! Thank you. Gracias. Gracias. - Shhhh.
Cinema Club thanks you for coming up for our third annual Stab-a-thon.
Thank you, number-3-thon. We thank you in rows.
Are you ready to drink every time someone can't get a cellphone signal?
Yeah!
Are you ready to drink every time someone shuts the refrigerator door and,
oh my God, there's the harmless character right behind it?
Yeah!
-Are you ready to drink every time somebody screams the word....
No!
Let's get the Stab-athon started!
Ghostface!
Get out in 5!
Move your ass!
Screw you!
Uh, Yeah. Back on my game.
Perfect. New work in progress, chapter 1.
When I moved to Woodsboro, I never in a million years dreamed
that I would again play the critical role...
...in solving another series of these...
What the hell?
- Gale, where are you? - I followed the kids to the Stab-a-thon.
There's an old abandoned farm on 4th Dylan Road.
Listen, I-I got it under surveillance, but I think the killer is about to make his move.
What makes you so sure?
You do a remake to outdo the original, that's what the kids said.
This party is all about the Stab movies. Come on, how meta can you get?
- How "what the.." can you get? - I dunno, I heard em say it.
Dewey, listen to me, you have to get out here.
Come on, you catch the killer, I get the story. It's a win-win.
- Well, I thought you were going rogue, Gale. - Oh come..are you serious? C'mon!
Forget it. Thanks for having faith in me! I gotta fix my equipment.
Gale!
Shit.
Bravo, well...very well done, very, I'm very impressed.
Kind of. Kinda impressed. Not Really.
- That'll do. - Yeah? - Yeah.
- Yeah, she wants you. - Yeah. Yeah.
Nooooooo!
Ghostface.....
- Hello? - Hello.
- Who is this? - Were you expecting somebody now?
You know, I don't even know you... ...and I dislike you already.
Hicks, how far are you from 4th Dylan Road?
5 minutes at the most, Sir.
Well, step on it.
Look out your window.
Gale! Gale, behind you!
No!
Gale!
Freeze!
Get out of the way, you morons!
Dammit.
- Ok, put pressure on that. - Did you catch him?
No, hopefully your cameras got something.
They weren't the only ones, Dewey.
- What? - There's a webcam... set back there.
- He was watching me. - A webcam?
- He's recording the murders. - What?
This time... he's making the movie.
This Sidney Prescott detail man, I don't like it.
The cops scouting the house, they always get it.
What are you talking about? - It's a movie cop rule.
Sucks to be a cop in a movie. Unless you re Bruce Willis.
Not all cops die in movies.
No, but if it's your last day before retirement you do.
If you re a rookie, some with a wife who's pregnant, you do.
Or if your partner is better looking than you, you do,
and by the way, I win that one.
You know what, I'll take the next perimeter. I'll be right back.
Shit.
I know this one, you re not supposed to say that, are you?
Eh, new decade, new rules.
You know, these days, you might come back, find me dead.
Eyes gouged out, tongue sticking out. Could go either way.
- I gotta learn this shit. - Eh, I'll take this one.
- Hey, Hoss. Be careful. - I am always careful.
Dead man walking.
Perkins, was there a window open on your last perimeter check?
Perkins, come in. Over.
Anthony?
Perkins?
Dammit.
You should have seen the look on your face, rookie.
Hoss! What the fuck!
Holy shit...
Hoss!
Fuck Bruce Willis!
- Sorry. The wind chimes were over here. - It was me, I was trying to fix em, sorry.
- I am just back the store. - Were you shopping?
A stress buster. I got one more bag in the car. I'll be right back.
Jill, you re gonna get that?
- Roberts residence. - You re a survivor, aren't you, Sidney?
Your one and only skill: You survive. Well, I have one question for you.
What good did to be a survivor in this little drama
if everyone close to you is dead?
- Who are you? - Turn on the TV to channel 6.
- Who the fuck are you? - Turn it on. Watch the teaser.
...But it nearly turned deadly tonight, with the latest victim of this attack being
the wife of the Woodsboro Sheriff...
...Gale Riley, AKA Gale Weathers, who's in serious condition tonight after being stabbed.
Her assailant then disappeared...
in a sea of identic....
Glad you came home, Sidney. Has it been worth it yet?
Why are you doing this?
Ah, friends count, but it's the family ties that cut deep. Am I right?
What do you mean?
The ones you care about most. And what's closer than family?
- The bond of blood. - Don't.
You can't save them. All you can do is watch.
Jill!
- Kate! - Sid?
- She's not in her room. - Oh my God.
- Come on, Jill! - Leave a message.
She's not picking up. What's going on?
The killer called, he's coming after me. But he wants my family first.
- Oh God, Jill... - Let's get the cops.
- The cops aren't there. - What?
They were there when I first came in, but they re not there now.
Let's get to Kirby's.
Out the front.
Press up on the bottom. Can you?
Let's get out of here.
Kate, come on! Kate!
- Tell Jill I am so sorry... - No, no, no, no, shhhh...
Kate...
Hicks. What are you doing?
Where are Hoss and Perkins? I couldn't get em on the radio.
- Whose blood is that? - Is...Is Kate's,
we were just attacked. She's dead.
- Where is she? - The front door.
- Show me. - Ok.
- Stay here. - Ok.
This is Deputy Hicks. I've got a homicide at the Roberts residence.
No sign of Perkins or Hoss.
- Copy that. We'll try to locate em. - I'm so sorry.
You're gonna be fine, alright? I swear.
No more on your own. It's you and me, forever.
Easy.
- Dewey. - Yeah?
Promise me something. - Anything.
- Catch that motherfucker. - Absolutely. I love you.
I love you.
- It was chaos. Utter chaos. - I can't believe that.
The Sheriff's wife, man. She told us to cancel it and we didn't and now this?
What are we supposed to do?
Robbie, calm down. It makes sense.
This is about the reboots too.
They-they-they one up the original ending.
"The Woodsboro murders" ended at a party, so in the remake...
...The party is the false ending. New rules.
Exactly.
Ok, no offense guys but I'm gonna put in Stab 7.
- Yes... - Nobody cancels my film festival.
Wohaa, I don't wanna watch that. Not after what happened to Olivia.
Oh, come on. It was her favorite.
Oh, wow Kirby. You have some classics here. - Yep.
"Suspiria","Don't look now"...
You know it. I can trivia your ass under the table, cinema boy.
Oh, yeah? Who played Leatherface first? - Gunnar Hansen.
Wow, did you feel that?
- The charge that moved between us, then? - Oh, that was me. I have powers.
So sexy...
You guys are unbelievable. You re playing fucking trivia games?
The cops are gonna come for us, they are gonna shut down my website.
-We re so dead! - Yeah. I agree.
- Jesus Christ, where did you come from?
The front door. By the way Kirby, with everything that's going on right now...
...you probably shouldn't leave that unlocked.
Sorry...
And...May I ask what the hell are you doing here?
Why, didn't I find the after-party?
No, you found the Anti-party and it's invitation only.
Yeah, well, I got an invitation. From Jill.
So, what's the story? - What?
You sent me a text message. After-party at Kirby's house.
I mean, it was from your phone.
What do you mean, from my phone?
Oh, where is my phone? I think I left it in your car, I didn't text him.
I didn't text you. And I'll prove it!
So, Charlie, Robbie, how does it feel to be accessories to a crime, huh?
- I mean, really? Dewey's wife? - My life is over.
So which one of you guys sent me a text message from Jill's phone, huh?
W-We re just supposed to accept that you re telling the truth?
Isn't your phone missing?
- Got a new one. - Really? Oh, that's incredibly convenient.
Dewey, it's Hicks. - What's up?
- Kate Roberts is dead. - Huh?
- And Sidney fled the scene. - What, what happened to Kate?
- She was stabbed, just like the others. - And what about Jill?
- No sign of her at all - Where the hell were Hoss and Perkins?
They were found dead in their car two blocks away.
Multiple stab wounds.
Ok. I'm on my way. - Yes, Sir.
- Wrong number. - Who was that?
- Oh, nobody. - Did you pick a movie?
- Yeah, we re gonna go scary: Saw IV. - Oh, I saw that in theaters. It sucks.
It's not scary, it's gross. I hate all that torture porn shit.
Why, angry feel.
Well, I like Jigsaw. I think he kills people very creatively.
But she don't give a shit who dies...
...cos there's no character to fill a man.
It's just body parts whipping and blood spewing...
Charlie, you wanna sit next to me?
Alright...Get ready for a Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer extra.
Now tonight, there is a good chance that Charlie Walker,
yes, my Charlie Walker, may get lucky with a girl.
Now I'm unable to, to publish my exact location, however, suffice it to say...
Woodsboro High may be in store for some geek history. We'll see.
Hello?
Who's there?
Oh my God.
- Where are you going? - To make sure the front door is locked.
- No, don't open it. - You're overreacting.
Hey, Charlie. - Yeah?
I'm sorry, I know you re into the movie and all, but...
now would be a really good time to make a move.
- For me to make a move? -Mhh mhh.
- Couldn't you make a move? - I just did.
Cos you re actually pretty cute.
Especially when I'm scared... and lonely...and drunk.
Ehi, guys. Did...did you see Jill, coming? I didn't see her outside.
Yes, Trevor. She is upstairs.
Thank God you re here to protect her when you can't even find her.
- There's nobody out here. - Oh, dude. I love this part of the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is it say?
Just when you think they're all safe and comfortable in the house
Ghostface comes in and bang!
Did I interrupt something for you? Shut the fuck up.
Who invited you, Trevor?
Alright. Clearly not you. Wow.
- I'm moving upstairs. - Get out of my house!
Ehi, ok, I'm a little drunk so, don't blame your Internet connection.
Let's see what Charlie is up to, shall we? Or the saga of Trevor and Jill...
Oh, intrigue of Woodsboro High.
Who needs to kill around with so much drama?
Oh, man...
Yeah... That's better.
Wait, no!. You can't, you can't, there's rules.
I-I-I'm gay, I'm gay. I mean, if it helps...
...some random girl who gets a call that undoubtedly ends up getting her killed.
It's all so predictable. There's no element of surprise. You can see ev...
Kirby! So, my phone was up in your room.
There was no text message sent to Trevor. He is such a liar.
Where is he?
What do you mean, where is he, he just went upstairs looking for you.
- He's not upstairs. - Trevor! Charlie! Robbie!
Maybe they are outside.
- Jill, - Sidney! I am sorry, I should have told you and mom where I was going.
No, it's ok, just I need you to come with me.
Come with me right now, ok? Run.
Robbie!
Go!
Sidney!
Come on!
- The balcony! - There's no other way out?
- We can jump? - It's two stories.
Where's your cell? Get under the bed.
- What? - Just do what I say. Get under the bed
and don't make a sound and don't come out till I come get you.
- Just go. Trust me! - Ok.
You got it? You ok? Jill, run. Just keep running. Get out!
- Hello? - Dewey!
- Sidney, where are you? - I'm at Kirby's. The killer is here,
I need your help.
- I'm on my way. - Ok.
Sid! Sidney!
- I need all units to 329 Whispering Lane. - All units! 329 Whispering Lane!
Sorry, it's just me. Look, I tried to call 911 with the land line instead,
but someone smashed the router.
- I think I called them myself - Well, where's Jill?
Go, go, go, go!
There's a room down there. We can lock ourselves in.
I heard you yelling to Jill. Did she get away?
I think she's safe.
- Kirby, let me in! - Charlie...
No, no, no, no, no, don't. I just found Robbie.
It's...It's just his blood, please.
Please, there is someone else out here.
- Let me in. - If you can't trust him, don't open the door.
- My God! Let me in! - Get away from the door, Charlie.
- Kirby, it's me! Please let me in! - Get away from the door, Charlie!
- It's me! - I'm sorry, I can't...
- What the fuck... - I am sorry.
Behind you! Look out!
No, no, no, no, no!
Kirby!
Oh, no, God, no. He's... leave him alone!
Leave him alone!
It's Charlie's phone.
Tell Sidney heads are gonna roll tonight. Tell Sidney it's all because of her.
Or maybe she wants into his place.
- I promise to be quick. - It's him.
Ok, I'm gonna get Jill, she should be in the same place.
Just-just keep him on the phone, I'll be right back ok?
Let him go, please...
I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like em so much as him?
Forget watching Stab. You get to live it.
No, no, no, no, no. He's the expert, it's not me.
- Warm up question: Jason's weapon? - Uh, it's a machete.
There, you see? You do know the genre. Michael Mayers?
Uh, butcher knife.
- Leatherface? - A chainsaw. Please...
Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?
Uh, uh, razor hands.
- Name the movie that started the slasher craze:
"Halloween", "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "The Last House on the Left" or "Psycho"?
- "Psycho". - None of the above.
"Peeping Tom". 1960, directed by Michael Powell.
First movie to ever put the audience in the killer's POV.
Wait, wait. No, no, no, no.
Please, just ask me one more question, just one more.
Alright, Kirby. Then it's time for your last chance question.
Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the villain...
"Halloween", "Texas Chainsaw", "Dawn of the Dead", "The Hills Have Eyes",
"The Amityville Horror", "The Last House on the Left"
"Friday the 13th", "A Nightmare on Elm Street", "My Bloody Valentine",
"When a Stranger Calls", "Prom Night"
"Black Christmas", "House of Wax", "The Fog", uh,
"Piranha". It's one of those, right? Right?!
I got it right. I was fucking right!
Jill?
I won, Charlie. I fucking won. I won.
- He tried to beat me, but I fucking won. - It's so great...
- Wait, I'm almost there. Just hang tight. - Kirby? This is making a move.
4 years of classes together and you notice me now?
You stupid bitch! It's too late!
-Shh, shhhh, I know, I know. It's ok, take your time.
Doesn't happen as fast as it does in the movies, honey.
Charlie...
Kirby?
You know, you learn the law when you watch the movies over and over.
All the plots are about trying to kill you.
- Where's Jill? - Oh, you think she's gonna get away?
You think anyone gets away?
- Jill? - Hello, Sidney. Surprised?
Watch this. This is the part when, dear cousin, the cameras...turn off.
- Charlie? - Want her taken care of.
Then I got great footage in my Robbie kill.
Better than Jenny and Marnie or Olivia even.
Good. We'll cut and upload it later. Make it all traceable to Trevor.
Speaking of which... remind you of anything?
- Jill, please... - Shut up! Dick.
Everything I learned, I learned from you.
You think you had a shitty boyfriend, Sidney?
Here's one that fucks you, dumps you and doesn't even make you famous.
What the fuck, Jill, I loved you!
- Shut the fuck up, already!
Sure those cops wanted you to have this, Jill. For your protection.
Put it dow...
- Ehi, please. - Shouldn't have killed all those people;
Trev. Gone and put it on video even.
But it means a lot that you did it for me.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I am NOT the girl you cheat on.
I've gone thru everything. We're definitely good on timeline.
Oh, yeah. We're perfect.
No, no, no. Please.
Ready for act 3?
Have figured it out yet, Sidney? Keeping it to our remake theme,
Trevor is this generation's Billy Loomis
and we're the innocent victims: Sidney and Randy.
See, with you, the world just heard about what happened but with us,
they're gonna see it.
It's gonna be a worldwide sensation. And people gotta see this shit.
It's not like anyone reads anymore.
I gonna know fame like you never even dreamed of.
Last two teenagers standing. This time Randy gets the girl.
You're amazing. And you're the perfect victim.
I was so believable today, wasn't I? I mean,
I told so many lies, I actually started to believe them.
I really think that I was born for this.
How could you do this?
Do you know what it was like growing up in this family?
Related to you? I mean, all I ever heard was:
Sidney this and Sidney that, and Sidney, Sidney, Sidney.
You were always so fucking special!
- Well, now I am the special one. - You'll slip, they always do.
Come on, Charlie. Let's go on with this.
You have to be strong and hold still. Ok?
Yeah, yeah, old school, like Billy and Stu. Come on, baby, get it up. Come on.
Shoulder me, shoulder me, shoulder me. Get it up!
Not the way we rehearsed it.
You said it, Charlie: Billy and Stu. Trevor and you.
What the media really loves, baby, is a sole survivor.
Just ask you know who. Trevor was your partner and you, you were the idea man.
- Even your friends? - My friends?
What world are you living in? I don't need friends. I need fans.
Don't you get it?! This has never been about killing you.
It's about...becoming you.
I mean, for fuck's sake, my own mother had to die,
no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original.
It's sick, right? Well sick is the new sane.
You had your 15 minutes, no I want mine!
I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college, grad school, work?
Look around, we all live in public now, we re all on the Internet.
How do you think people become famous anymore?
You don't have to achieve anything.
You just gotta have fucked up shit happen to you.
So, you do have to die Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise.
There's only room for one lead and, let's face it,
your ingenue days, they are over.
Don't tell me you didn't know this day would come.
Oh, fuck!
Come on! Let's move in!
- Check the rooms, both sides and upstairs. - Yes Ma'm.
Jill can you give us a description... Over here...Jill...
...Jill, how does it feel to be a hero?...
- Jill. You made it. That's all that matters. - True, Charlie and Trev tried to kill me.
And I heard they killed my mom.
- And Robbie and Kirby too. - Shhh. Just lay back. Try to rest.
- Is-is your wife... - She's gonna be fine. She's tough.
If I ever write a book one day I'd, I'd want her to write it with me.
It'd be a good team with our matching wounds and all.
We're survivors now. I just wish Sidney was too.
Jill, they re not sure yet. It's still touch and go.
But she's in ICU (intensive care unit) and they think Sidney just might make it.
- What? I mean, I saw Trevor kill her. - Look, we don't know yet.
But she's hanging on.
- I-I-I wanna see her. - She's not awake yet.
And, she may not remember anything. You'll have to help her with that.
All in time. Just get some rest now, ok?
- She gonna be ok? - Yeah, she's a strong kid.
- She's gonna have to be. - She asked if you were ok.
She thinks you guys should write a book together.
- With your matching wounds. - Why, she was stabbed in the shoulder?
- How did she know I was too? - Shit!
You just won't die, will ya? Who are you, Michael fucking Mayers?
Yeah, I don't think so.
Fucking die already!
How are those stitches?
Sidney!
Hicks, get to the Sidney Prescott's room and call for backup!
Be right up, Sir.
- Sid? Sid. - Dewey!
Is this how it's gonna be, Sid?
The ending of the movie was supposed to be at the house.
I mean, this is just...silly.
Consider this an alternate ending. You're not gonna get out of this, Jill.
- Of course I will. - Dewey?
Sid...
Easy..Wait, wait. What about the book?
Looks like I'll just have to write it myself.
Goddammit!
Don't even think about shooting or I'll blow Dewey's head off.
What, you think I won't do it? Give me your gun!
Do it.
You just had to be the hero, huh? Give me your gun.
What are you, deaf? Give me...your gun.
And get up. And keep your hands over your head.
Don't do anything stupi...
Don't fucking tell me what to do.
- Oh, God... - Now, get up bitch.
- Ok. - Get up. Now!
- Ok... - Come on.
Let's go. Get your skinny ass out here.
Ok...
I'm gonna enjoy blowing your head off.
Ok, but can I just have one final word?
What? Please?
No...
- Clear. - Clear?
Clear!
You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill:
Don't fuck with the original.
- Oh my God, Dewey. - Uh, what hit me?
Don't ask. You ok?
- She was standing right behind? - They always are.
- Oh, God... - Nice one.
- Hicks, you're alive? - Wear the vest, save your chest.
I got two officers down, several injuries and a new suspect.
We need a doctor, Goddammit!
I dunno about you, but I feel a whole lot better.
We're live at Woodsboro Community Hospital,
awaiting a first public statement from Jill Roberts, survivor.
...a survivor of what is now being called "the Woodsboro Massacre reboot"...
...Jill Roberts is her name.
A name the whole world will now know...
...who single-handedly put a stop to this 21st century
Woodsboro killing spree...
...Jill Roberts of Woodsboro,
a girl who's lifted all our spirits tonight.
An American hero, right out of the movies.
== Stabs and Sid by lorez ==